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That’s What He Said: 27 Funniest Quotes in NFL History



You’ve got to blurt it when you have to, and these NFL players did not think twice. 

Here are some of the funniest NFL player quotes.

“I love me some me!” ~ Terrell Owens

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards – whichever comes first.” ~ George Rogers

“All Grange can do is run. And all Caruso can do is sing.” ~ Bob Zuppke

“It might have been the hardest hit I took all day.” ~ Drew Brees (after a fan hit him with a water bottle)

“If you’re mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway. It’s about the same.” ~ Bob Golic

“The shoulder surgery was a success. The lobotomy failed.” ~ Mike Ditka

“I wouldn’t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was important — like a league game.” ~ Dick Butkus

“Football isn’t a contact sport; it’s a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.” Vince Lombardi

“I like to believe that my best hits border on felonious assault.” ~ Jack Tatum

“You don’t have to win it. Just don’t lose it.” ~ Ray Lewis

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” ~ Joe Theismann

“It’s almost exciting to think about all the room for improvement that we have.” ~ Geno Smith

“Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.” ~ Houston Oilers

“He couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T.” ~ Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson

“You have to play this game like somebody just hit your mother with a two-by-four.” ~ Dan Birdwell

“I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.” ~ Jerry Rice

“I resigned as the Broncos coach because of illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of me.” ~ John Ralston

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” ~ Terry Bradshaw

Football is easy if you’re crazy as hell.” ~ Bo Jackson

“I don’t know whether I prefer Astroturf to grass. I never smoked Astroturf.” ~ Joe Namath

“Ex-girlfriends who wish they wouldn’t have dumped you, they’re questioning themselves right now. So, it’s fun.” ~ Steve Smith

“We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick. Other than that, we’re just not a very good football team right now.” ~ Bruce Coslet

“I’ve been big ever since I was little.” ~ William “The Refrigerator” Perry

“Straight cash, homey.” ~ Randy Moss 

“P.S. Getcha Popcorn Ready.” Terrell Owens

“We couldn’t do diddly poo offensively.” ~ Jim Mora

“Uh, playoffs??? Playoffs!? Don’t talk about playoffs! You kidding me? Playoffs? I just hope we can win another game!” ~ Jim Mora

Although this one is rebutted since time immemorial, it had the staying power no one expected.

“So Doug, how long have you been a black quarterback?” ~ Butch John

Instead, the question was: Doug, it’s obvious you’ve been a black quarterback all your life. When did it start to matter?

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